Friday, May 13, 2011

Still Adjusting.

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” 
- Rajneesh

I've been in a blogging rut lately.  The days have come and gone and I find myself totally burnt out and lacking blog inspiration.  I had a realization this week as I felt kind of grumpy.  I'm still adjusting to a new way of life.  I am learning to let go of a to-do list and flow with the day more organically.  Which can be tough when you've been trying to accomplish something for over a week.  It sounds silly but some of those small tasks can give a great sense of accomplishment when much of the day is all about feedings, diaper changes and hopefully nap time.  

I was so naive before having a baby thinking that by around six months I'd have a routine and get what motherhood was all about.  How wrong was I?  Here we are nearing month eight and I feel like my feet are just beginning to touch ground.  So much in life has changed and some days I wonder, do other parents feel like there is some kind of adjustment period before life settles into your new normal?  

Nap time is still a major challenge around here.  Chloe is very active, a light sleeper and still likes to sleep in my arms.  I remind myself at least once a day that she won't do that forever and to enjoy it but it's still tough some days.  For the last week or two Chloe has sleeping (mostly) through the night.  I have to say even getting up once in the night for her to nurse feels luxurious.  When I think back to the nights of every two hour feedings my eyes almost well up with tears.  How lovely those early weeks and months of her newborn tinyness were but how I ached for sleep almost 24 hours a day.  I'm happy to say I'm feeling at least a little more rested these days.  Or maybe I'm just used to sleep deprivation now?  

Now I find myself adjusting more on a personal level.  Some days feeling like I'm totally failing at motherhood, when the whole day seems to be spinning out of orbit and nothing seems to keep my babe content all day long.  Those are the days where I ache for even a quiet moment alone and I think to myself how did my mom do this with three children?  Even two is impressive.  Then the very next day is simple.  Mealtime, nap time, playtime, bedtime all flows with lots of giggles in between.  Those days I see life through her eyes and feel refreshed and excited about just snuggling, learning new things and being together.  I guess maybe that is the way life is. 

I'm sure I'm not the first mama to feel this way, but I never have heard anyone mention an adjustment period.  When does life feel like a new kind of normal?

This sounds so cynical.  You know how much I adore this girl.  How could you not love this face?


lakato said...

I think we all feel that way at one time or another. It seems to be getting better - but I think part of that is getting into a routine, and part of it is just letting go and understanding that none of us can live up to the expectations that we set for ourselves before we had any idea what motherhood actually entailed. If I compare myself to other moms I will never be happy, because I can never see ALL of their lives - they have challenges too, they just might not publicize them. You're doing great, and it is clear that sweet Chloe is thriving.

Joolz said...

Chloe is so lucky to have such a loving mommy! She is an amazing baby and you are an AMAZING mom and I really mean it. Some days when I'm with Alyssa on the weekends I often wonder, how does Lisa do this everyday! Taking care of a baby is draining!

And Alyssa always wants to sleep in my arms too :)

Let's get together soon so we can share the joys and gripes of motherhood :)

Becky, Ryan, Oliver, and Amelie said...

I love you and I think you're doing an amazing job and Chloe is so lucky to have you. You're completely not alone in this. I'm excited to hang out soon! You are one of my favorite people and that's all there is to it:)

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