Monday, June 11, 2012

Hello there.

I've been a little absent from blogging lately.  I've had little time between travel and caring for my little family.  Life gets so busy.  I'm sure you are familiar with this feeling.  After a little sigh, I think I'm ready to post a little more regularly again.  I hope I keep the inspiration anyway.  Hang with me if I don't.  I am learning more about myself daily through being a mother and as I continue to comfort my heart during this time of loss.  I've experienced deaths in my family before but none that has rocked my whole world like losing my mom.  I can't quite explain what it's like but everything suddenly feels different.  I lose my footing more than usual these days.  But somehow I feel like I've been awakened in a way I wasn't fully before.  I see the preciousness and beauty of each passing day more vividly. 

Sometimes it's painful, to feel the moments I missing with my mom and other times all I can feel is gratitude for the gift of a mother that was so very extraordinary.  If you knew her, I don't even have to explain.  The world was brighter just by her being in it.  What I do know is as I find new places in my heart that ache, I'm digging deeper to fill them with gratitude, love and thankfulness for all the blessings I have in my life.  If anything, these growing pains are cultivating a more thankful, compassionate heart in me.

So hang in there my (nine) readers.  I still love you! 

While I'm pouring out my heart here, sometimes after I post, I feel embarrassed for being so vulnerable publicly.  And I go back online to hit delete, but then I tell myself maybe one of you has felt like this too and feels comfort in hearing my words.  I hope that is the case.  If not, thank you for reading along with me.  Your (virtual) companionship is a comfort to me.  Your kind comments are always appreciated.  Thank you. 

If you have a minute, tell me a little more about yourself.  
Who are you my dear readers?

10 comments:

lakato said...

That was a beautiful post, and I am so thankful for your blogging candidness. Even if I haven't experienced the same loss, it helps me feel a little closer to you, to understand what it is you're going through, even though you are currently so far away. Stay strong, girly, and keep growing <3

The Locklins said...

Thank you, Katie. Having friends like you in my life help keep me strong and encouraged. And helps me not feel SO far away from everyone.

Nicole said...

Love this post. You're so honest and humble about your sadness and sometime struggle for happiness and peace without your mom. You really are inspiring, Lisa - how you try daily to care and create beauty for your family, despite the deep loss you feel all around you. I don't know what it's like to lose a mom, but when I lost my dad, the world changed for me too. It's hard sometimes not to be envious of people who have that special person in their life. Especially if that person was a bright, happy, amazing soul like your mama. And I know what you mean about not having the energy or inspiration to post. Sometimes you just have to retreat into solitude to cope.

The Locklins said...

Nicole, Thank you so much. The world certainly does change. I can only imagine how the loss would have been earlier in life too. I hope we can talk more in person one of these days. I'd love to hear more about your dad. I'm finding lots of comfort in solitude. Since with a toddler hanging from my legs, it's a rarity. ;) Thank you for your lovely words.

Claudia said...

Hey Lisa,

Though I can't say much to cheer you up, I just want you to know that I admire your ability to put yourself out there. You show so much strength and grace in your writing. You must be such an inspiration to your baby girl, even if she is too young to realize it yet :) Keep your head high. Only positive things can lie ahead.

Joolz said...

Funny how we always want to censor ourselves. I love reading your blog Lisa. Feel like I get to know you a little better with each entry, and to know your inner thoughts that you may not readily share. :)

The Locklins said...

Claudia, Thank you for so many kind words. You did cheer me up! Being a good influence to my little lady means the world to me. Cheers to a bright future.

And Julie! I know, why the need to censor? I'm always thinking..."keep it together", why? SO silly. Thank you for reading and mothering right alongside me.

NicholsSouth said...

Aaawww, I'm glad you don't censor or delete. I enjoy getting a glimpse into your life. I'll tell you one thing, it sure makes me appreciate my own mother and that she's still with us. Makes me miss my grandmother. So thank you for being raw and honest. Lots of thoughts and prayers for you. :)

The Locklins said...

Shauna, Thank you so your sweet words. I'm so fortunate to still have my grandmother with me. I'm sure it's always wonderful to appreciate these women. Thank you for your love and prayers. I can feel them.

Toni Hasty said...

Lisa, your blog was my inspiration to start my own, albeit on a different tone. Your candidness is refresshing.

I did not know your mom but, through you, I feel as if I have met her.

Your little bloom is so precious and I truly enjoy seeing her little face.

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