We left my mom's home after days of sorting through her precious belongings (We still have weeks of sorting ahead of us, down the road.). I was flooded with emotions leaving to travel to our new home in Arizona. A state which I have so little familiarity with and a support system of possibly two. Other than my beloved. I think I sobbed for hours before leaving and most of thirty minutes in the car too. Leaving my sister and brother was the hardest part. Knowing what the feelings they were navigating through too. It just felt right to all be together.
We have been here in North Phoenix for officially a week now. It feels disorienting and lonely most days. Without a schedule, friends to meet up with or my mom to call with recent Chloe updates. Though the evenings together with Kevin and our little miss are precious. We've been so tired, our heads generally hit the pillow near 9pm these days.
We have boxes to sort through, art to hang and closets to organize but we are taking our time. With a toddler unpacking is nearly impossible without someone to help entertain and distract. Not to mention, I feel a little shell-shocked still. There are so many things about death that you never know until you experience it so closely. I'm still getting flash backs of our last moments together, of saying goodbye...
I have so much to share yet not the right words.
Sunday, the 13th of November was her funeral service. The details of the day will forever be imprinted in my mind. Waking that morning, getting dressed, putting on my mom's pearls, skipping breakfast, carrying her urn to the car, the wind blowing through the trees, our bouncing girl in a black lace dress on Kevin's knee. My sister speaking so eloquently while I held onto my brothers knee, so tight. So many people and so love surrounding us, yet such sadness.
We've been here one week, our kitchen is unpacked and that is the most important part, right? We can sleep & we can eat. Everything else will come with time. Although, I need to find some Merry to bring to the holidays ahead. Perhaps some pumpkin pie will bring that out? Let's hope.