That means also completing Chloe's baby book. The best material gift my mother every gave me, was my baby book. Yesterday, skimming the pages as I tidied the kitchen, my heart bounced through emotions as I read her words. In beautiful penmanship. Always, her words, her letters, delicate art that flowed from her fingers.
She wrote throughout her pregnancy, while in labor (HOW?!), on my birth day, and in the months to follow. This window into the lives of my parents before I was born and details about the early days I don't remember, it's all so priceless. It brings me so much joy.
Her passing is teaching me so many things. Many of them ache deep in my chest. I giggle with others and even speak aloud to her when I'm so longing to be with her. Like today.
I am soft, sentimental and cry at the drop of a dime. My sister and brother used to tease me about my delicate nature. It sometimes embarrasses me, when I well up at unexpected moments (detergent commercials, anyone?). But I'm learning to love and accept that part of me. It's me, after all. I gather I'd rather feel open, connected and yes, vulnerable to the outpourings that come, rather than hardened.
And so it is. This morning during our MOPS meeting at church. The downpour came. Our Mentor Moms-wise, loving women, most great grandmothers at this point, shared their life lessons, tips and tricks of parenting. The times they were delicate caught in heavy tides. Their message resounded to let it be; that grief ought to be shared and spilled. Family, friends and prayer will bring you through it. Reassurance brought comfort, yep and tears. And I spilled the whole drive home and here now.
One lesson I'm learning...As I let go of my need to be "okay", "together" for every one else. I find peace within myself. My perfectionist side wrestles with this one SO much. I learn each day how to reach out. And find comfort, like today, even with a group of women I've just met.
Here I am. A girl, madly in love with my family, wading this tide the best I can.
It looks like I've got a little crafting ahead of me. Which I love!