Sunday, October 23, 2011

Time.

Time keeps ticking away.  I'm wanting it to hold still in so many moments lately.  Like last week when my mom and I had a really good giggle.  Mostly about nothing, those are the best kind of laughs.  The ones really only you two get.  I guess that is the kind of intimacy that grows after thirty years together.

Not every moment this week has been sweet, there has been a lot of ache.  I find it most often at the end of the day.  Dinner time comes, I miss our usual huge family meals together and I lay down to bed wondering what the passing time through the night brings.  I'm unsure what exactly to pray for.  Most nights I pray for peace.  Also strength, wisdom, the ability to keep patience while caring for Chloe amidst emotional and physical exhaustion.  We are slowing the flow of visitors as my mom is weakening and sleeping more.  We are unsure what each day may hold. There is an unusual quiet in the house.

Kevin went home tonight.  A quick turn around for him after being in town with us for only a day and a half.  I was so glad he came.  My heart felt right again having him beside me.  It will be an adjustment period again as he returns to work and we try to settle into any sort of routine.  We spent a little time away from the house today, just us three and it almost felt normal.  Except for a nagging weight in the air.  Man, how do those feelings follow you wherever you go?  We know the potential loss of my mom runs deep through every thread of our family.  We are holding onto each other extra tight these days.  Thank goodness for the most supportive In-Law's ever.  Chloe and I (and a few friends) have been staying with them for over a week now.  I don't think we've eaten this well in years.  We feel so blessed to have them for so many reasons. 
Home with colds, 1987ish.
















Most days lately we are just like this again.  All three of us take turns snuggling with my mom in her tiny twin hospital bed, most days we are still in our pj's too.  We certainly wish it were the old days, where we were all home sick with a colds, beneath my parents vintage sheets instead.  But there is love in every ounce of togetherness.  I tell you my siblings and Step Dad are outstanding care takers sleeping beside my moms bed throughout the night.  I'm sure even with Chloe's nightly feeding(s) that I'm getting more rest than them.  I'm not sure how they are holding up so well.  They are pure gold.

Now, onto sleep.

3 comments:

Roxana Lopez Photography said...

Love the picture :)
love you Lump, Sara, AJ and Janelle. xoxoxo.

The Edison's... plus two! said...

what a sweet picture:). you are all so amazing!

Lula. said...

You are so amazing, so strong. You are in my prayers. xo

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