Monday, October 17, 2011

"Mascara is for the brave." -Unknown

Last Saturday, we made our way to Arizona, plopped ourselves down at one beautiful but oh so, SO loud Hyatt.  4 days later after one extensive housing hunt we drove right on back to California.  We did find a perfect little apartment and move in, in about 3 weeks.  But that isn't the important part.  I've been absent from blogging on so many events lately including our little bloom's first birthday celebration.  We are living out of suitcases, without my trusty laptop and all my precious photos at hand.  I have so many words spilling over in my head and heart but a momentous amount of exhaustion is keeping me from clarity or doing more than the basics these days.  I'm lucky if I get a shower and a 4 hour stretch of sleep.  Some babies take a lot longer to sleep through the night I suppose? 

Last Tuesday we signed our rental application, made our deposit and sat down at our new local pizza place to celebrate.  My phone rang and the sound in my sisters voice said, "Uhh, I'm not sure I'm ready for this."  I stepped out of the noisy restaurant to listen.  It was the call you never want to get, the come home, things are getting rough call.  In more or less words, it was time for us to come be with my mom.  We arrived to my mom's house the next day.  The moment we arrived I knew that was exactly where I should be.  But, man I am I struggling.

I find myself in such unfamiliar waters with the woman I know the most in life.  And I'm unable to do anything but sit and be.  (That is when I'm not chasing around my sweet little bloom.)  Thanks to wonderful in-laws and family I've been able to sneak lots of time to sit and tell my mom some of what is in my heart.  Though It's hard to come up with the words to convey.  I'm doing my best though.

She is an extraordinary woman.  Amidst so much pain and challenge especially these last 8 years of cancer treatment she continues to be a woman of  pure compassion to everyone around her.  She is having difficulty speaking but is such a musical soul that song lyrics keep popping up during our visits.  Yesterday between napping and a long stretch of quiet time together, she softly sang, " This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.", then her voice got quiet but I helped her finish off the song.  It was such a telling moment of her.  Her light shines so bright.

Kevin drove back to Arizona yesterday as his new job begin today.  I wish him so much luck but miss him immensely already.  Chloe and I will be here as long as week need to be.  Hospice will be back tomorrow to check-in and see how every one is doing and provide care.  So, here we've been, me, Chloe, my precious siblings, step-dad and few dear others huddled around the kitchen and her bed, caring for her and soaking up precious time.

I was able to take a few moments this afternoon and shower(thank heavens), eat a couple (tiny) chocolate cookies and share with you, my 8 blog readers.  Can I ask a favor?  Hold my family close in your heart and prayers.  We can use all the support we can get these days.

12 comments:

lakato said...

Lisa, your mom is in my thoughts and prayers, my heart was breaking reading this post. I know you are going through so much right now, it must be overwhelming and just know that you have friends holding your family close to our hearts - whether you are in California, Arizona or wherever. xo

The Edison's... plus two! said...

your whole family is in our thoughts and prayers. much love. xoxo

Becky, Ryan, Oliver, and Amelie said...

I love you so much and have been thinking of you all weekend. Been praying and sending love your way and wishing I could do more. Let me know what you need. I will drive up there and just sit with you if that sounds nice, or I totally get just being with family. No matter what, I'm here and thinking a lot about you and your sweet, beautiful mom and her journey in this life. Families are forever.

NicholsSouth said...

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. I wish there was more we could do for you.

countrygirl said...

Oh Lisa, I am so sorry to hear you have come to this point with your mom. Enjoy every second of your time with her. I know how hard it is to be with someone you love so much during such a difficult time, I will be thinking of you daily. I am sure you and your beautiful baby girl being there is so very special to her.

Jared, Diana,Caden and Gia said...

I can't even imagine. My heart breaks for you and your family right now. So hard to even read the whole post without tearing up. You are doing the right thing and I can tell you are being such a good daughter! Keep strong! You and your family will be in our daily prayers. Hugs!

Roxana Lopez Photography said...

Thinking of you and your family always. Your Momsy's light shines bright and always will. I love you.

Janene said...

Lisa, so sorry to hear this...Your mom is an incredible woman. I have some wonderful memories of her from all the time spent with you guys. Please tell her that I am thinking about her and praying for her. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers too. I am sure this is very hard on all of you. xo

Nicole said...

Lisa, we're sending love and prayers to you, your sis and family during this heartbreaking time. You've been able to spend so much precious time with your mom over the years - that's a gift. You and her gave each other tremendous love and many special memories, and you two will have that love and bond forever. We love you, and hope that strength and comfort help you through these last moments.

Tori said...

Lisa, there aren't enough words to tell you how sorry I am that you, Sara, AJ, and Peter are going through this. Your mom is an incredible woman, who is a true inspiration to everyone who knows here. I love you guys and think about you all the time!

Toni said...

Lisa, my thoughts are with your entire family right now. The love you have for your mom shines through in your blogs. Enjoy this time and the memories will always be in your heart.

The Freeman Family said...

We've got your Mom & your family in our prayers.

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