Last Saturday, we made our way to Arizona, plopped ourselves down at one beautiful but oh so, SO loud Hyatt. 4 days later after one extensive housing hunt we drove right on back to California. We did find a perfect little apartment and move in, in about 3 weeks. But that isn't the important part. I've been absent from blogging on so many events lately including our little bloom's first birthday celebration. We are living out of suitcases, without my trusty laptop and all my precious photos at hand. I have so many words spilling over in my head and heart but a momentous amount of exhaustion is keeping me from clarity or doing more than the basics these days. I'm lucky if I get a shower and a 4 hour stretch of sleep. Some babies take a lot longer to sleep through the night I suppose?
Last Tuesday we signed our rental application, made our deposit and sat down at our new local pizza place to celebrate. My phone rang and the sound in my sisters voice said, "Uhh, I'm not sure I'm ready for this." I stepped out of the noisy restaurant to listen. It was the call you never want to get, the come home, things are getting rough call. In more or less words, it was time for us to come be with my mom. We arrived to my mom's house the next day. The moment we arrived I knew that was exactly where I should be. But, man I am I struggling.
I find myself in such unfamiliar waters with the woman I know the most in life. And I'm unable to do anything but sit and be. (That is when I'm not chasing around my sweet little bloom.) Thanks to wonderful in-laws and family I've been able to sneak lots of time to sit and tell my mom some of what is in my heart. Though It's hard to come up with the words to convey. I'm doing my best though.
She is an extraordinary woman. Amidst so much pain and challenge especially these last 8 years of cancer treatment she continues to be a woman of pure compassion to everyone around her. She is having difficulty speaking but is such a musical soul that song lyrics keep popping up during our visits. Yesterday between napping and a long stretch of quiet time together, she softly sang, " This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.", then her voice got quiet but I helped her finish off the song. It was such a telling moment of her. Her light shines so bright.
Kevin drove back to Arizona yesterday as his new job begin today. I wish him so much luck but miss him immensely already. Chloe and I will be here as long as week need to be. Hospice will be back tomorrow to check-in and see how every one is doing and provide care. So, here we've been, me, Chloe, my precious siblings, step-dad and few dear others huddled around the kitchen and her bed, caring for her and soaking up precious time.
I was able to take a few moments this afternoon and shower(thank heavens), eat a couple (tiny) chocolate cookies and share with you, my 8 blog readers. Can I ask a favor? Hold my family close in your heart and prayers. We can use all the support we can get these days.