Welcome, Remy Mae.

On Monday, August 12 at 4:04am our littlest daughter was born.  With a squeal she was placed on my chest and took her first breaths while I held her in my arms.  It was just as I had dreamed it would happen.  Weighing 7lb. 6oz. and stretching out at 19 1/12 inches, her tiny body was pink, healthy and strong.

After a couple days of prodromal labor and 22 hours of "real" labor, her arrival, as I announced was "sweet relief" and so much more, that I don't even have words for.  She was born with a full head of dark hair, just as I did had when I was born.

We named her Remy Mae.  Remy- French (like Chloe) and Mae, with the relation to spring and all things growing.  And now, we have two little french flowers.  TWO as in-we. have. kids.  Every time I say, "the girls", it blows my mind.

Three months (gulp) have now passed.  I better get back to blogging so we can document such sweet time.  We've been savoring it and surviving it, day-by-day, often hour-by-hour. Postpartum recovery, around the clock nursing and a very active toddler.  Oh boy, sometimes I (we) really feel in over our heads.  But really, no one prepares you for the amount of love you feel for your babies.  It's extraordinary.  I can't keep myself from snuggling her, closing my eyes tight and wishing I could make time stand still.

So with a long overdue post, welcome to the beautiful world my dear Remy.  You've already have captured our hearts.

(For those who were following my birthing journey, yes, I was able to VBAC.  With the help of supportive doctors, the encouragement of my sweet doula and the dearest husband who coached me through labor.  I was so encouraged and best of all, I got to hold her within seconds of being born.  The best reward ever.)

A day Seaside. (back in July)

A few years ago when Kevin began gradschool at UCI for his MBA we had no idea the kind of friendships we would make through the whole experience.  This group of classmates became tight knit friends and when we all met for the first time us spouses were instant friends too.  In a few years our group together has celebrated a wedding,  come together during loss and illness, and anticipated in the blessing of five births.  Yep, all five couples in the group have had children.  It has been such a wonderful experience and we can't wait to spend the years growing our families together.

All three of these sweet little babies were born over the last 5 months.  We were so excited to get together for some much anticipated baby snuggle time.  Evan, Violet and Evalynn are so, so snugly and sweet.  It was so fun to share stories of new parenthood together.  The seaside California weather was intoxicating.  We weren't able to see Alpa, Raj and Dev, during this visit but we hope to soon.  We miss you the Jains.

My sentimental heart.

Reminders like this make this sentimental heart of mine skip a beat.  Kevin and I will be married five years this June (together for 12).  Our wedding captures so many beautiful memories.  I have yet to album any of our photographs or mementos.  The Mr. and I decided it was the year to do that. 

That means also completing Chloe's baby book.  The best material gift my mother every gave me, was my baby book.  Yesterday, skimming the pages as I tidied the kitchen, my heart bounced through emotions as I read her words.  In beautiful penmanship.  Always, her words, her letters, delicate art that flowed from her fingers. 

She wrote throughout her pregnancy, while in labor (HOW?!), on my birth day, and in the months to follow.  This window into the lives of my parents before I was born and details about the early days I don't remember, it's all so priceless.  It brings me so much joy.

Her passing is teaching me so many things.  Many of them ache deep in my chest.  I giggle with others and even speak aloud to her when I'm so longing to be with her.  Like today.

I am soft, sentimental and cry at the drop of a dime.  My sister and brother used to tease me about my delicate nature.  It sometimes embarrasses me, when I well up at unexpected moments (detergent commercials, anyone?).  But I'm learning to love and accept that part of me.  It's me, after all.  I gather I'd rather feel open, connected and yes, vulnerable to the outpourings that come, rather than hardened. 

And so it is.  This morning during our MOPS meeting at church.  The downpour came.  Our Mentor Moms-wise, loving women, most great grandmothers at this point, shared their life lessons, tips and tricks of parenting.  The times they were delicate caught in heavy tides.  Their message resounded to let it be; that grief ought to be shared and spilled.  Family, friends and prayer will bring you through it.  Reassurance brought comfort, yep and tears.  And I spilled the whole drive home and here now.

One lesson I'm learning...As I let go of my need to be "okay", "together" for every one else.  I find peace within myself.  My perfectionist side wrestles with this one SO much.  I learn each day how to reach out.  And find comfort, like today, even with a group of women I've just met. 

Here I am.  A girl, madly in love with my family, wading this tide the best I can.

It looks like I've got a little crafting ahead of me.  Which I love!

A visit with friends.

We were lucky enough to visit with our friends the Schvaneveldt's while they were in AZ for the week.  We feel so lucky for us to have visitors so early after our move.  It's like we haven't left home yet.  Check out some photos from our trip to the Scottsdale Artfest on her blog Andiland. Andrea is an amazing photographer so it was fun to see her photos from the day.

I was so happy to finally meet her sweet 3 month old daughter, Mara Jane.  She is the tiniest little bundle, it was so nice to snuggle her.  I tell you all these babies are giving me the fever.  I remind myself how sleepless I am right now and it temporarily goes away.  

While she was out we met up several times and she even took our family pictures in old town Scottsdale.  It has such a country Arizona vibe, it was so much fun.  I'm so excited about them.  I can't wait to share them and shop for holiday cards, if I decide to add that to my "to do" list?  My favorite adventure was our trip to the Children's Museum of Phoenix.  I never been to a more creative kids space.  Chloe was elated by all the kids and the freedom to explore everywhere.  We promptly became members (a generous gift from Kevin's parents).  Chloe and I plan on making it a weekly day trip, tons of photos to come soon.