our beautiful blossom was born.

tuesday,
september 21, 2010 at 6:49am

we welcomed our beautiful daughter,

chloe elizabeth locklin 

into the world.

weighing 6lbs. 12oz.
19 inches long

before this moment we could only imagined how much we would love her.  the true magnitude can't be put into words.  she is pure joy.

the perfect support

well, i don't wanna sound like a bragger but i have to say, i feel so lucky to have kevin by my side throughout (life) and this pregnancy.  no matter how many times i've started to feel down or unsure about my ability or strength to be a mother he has supported me through every wavering emotion and given me a huge boost of confidence in the meantime.  i'm sure this can only be a great sign of what to expect as we learn how to be parents together. 

today, was not unlike what i mentioned above.  we both have had a rough couple of weeks and nights sleeping.  kevin's chemotherapy treatments and hydration leave him feeling tired and keep him running to the bathroom almost as often as his pregnant wife.  so you can only imagine how bed time is at our place.  a series of trips back and fourth throughout the whole night.  both of us being extra concerned for eachother's welfare so we are always checking to be sure the other is alright. 

and my 41 week and 3 day pregnant body is getting a little more tired by the day...in several ways.  though i feel ridiculous even mentioning that i'm tired or ready for this part of the pregnancy to be over when i think of all kevin and my mom have been through this year.  my discomfort seems so petty.  especially when i think of all the joy i've also experienced in the meantime.  well, for whatever it's worth i am ready to welcome this baby to my arms see her beautiful face.  i've been so confident in my ability to give birth to her naturally but as the last couple days have gone by i have found myself getting nervous about the unknown and about motherhood.  i don't doubt that this is normal but it's kind of a bummer.

so today, as i broke down and told kevin how ready i was for this part to be over and how it feels like a million years have gone by these last 10 days.  he held me and nearly instantly helped me remember how capable i am and how proud his of me and my strength throughout this year.  he already makes me feel like a good mom...which is so helpful when you are a novice.  i just have to say...he really is the perfect support.  

seaside baby shower

kevin's aunt and uncle recently hosted a beautiful seaside baby shower for us at their place in newport coast.  we love visiting them and their home...let's just say it could grace the covers of architectural digest.  the afternoon was truly lovely...gorgeous ocean views, fun games, a delicious taco bar, sprinkles cupcakes and local friends and family.  thank you so much sheryl and phil...we feel so loved!  so does chloe.

check out some pictures from the afternoon...

seaside baby shower

project nursery

check out chloe's nursery at:
http://gallery.projectnursery.com/projects/510-Chloe-s-Nursery

surprise guest

yesterday was my 41 week appointment, the one we were hoping we wouldn't need to go to.  well, it came and passed.  the good news is that the non-stress test and exam, baby and i are doing well.  her heart rate, movements, size are all healthy and my amniotic fluid levels are high.  so she's pretty comfortable  or she's already learned the term, fashionably late.

i started some homeopathic herbs to help get things moving and i'm wearing a belly binder that is to encourage her to head south.  we have an appointment for monday morning to begin a natural induction, if she doesn't arrive before then.  cross your fingers!  and toes.

after my appointment we met up with our doula becky and her family for milkshakes.  her husband ryan is so nice and their kids, let's just say adorable doesn't even touch it!  they are too cute and sweet.  it was nice to relax and talk about the appointment and what's next.  did anyone know that they have milkshake happy hour at ruby's diner?  well they do!  half off shakes.

little did i know but kevin and my dear friend roxana had been talking all week about her surprising me with a visit after my appointment.  so, when we arrived home...there she was with a purple orchid in hand with her beautiful, bubbly smile.  and of course, extra spoiling for chloe with little leggings and a madonna onesie.  she is extraordinarily thoughtful and is truly one of my dearest friends.  we ordered pizza, and stayed up late talking and giggling.  kevin even joined in.  it was the perfect surprise and pick me up!  those two know me so well. 

me & my lump after breakfast at cafe encante.

the sneaky surprisers, you two know me so well.

the goods

well we've gotta be getting close to baby time, tomorrow is 41 weeks and i read that the average wait for first time moms is 41 weeks and 3 days.  so i'm pretty sure i can hang in there at least 4 more days.  maybe i'll finish replanting the planters on our patio?  the luscious garden i created was seriously neglected while kevin was in treatment.  i'm saddened to say, everything bit the dust but the rosemary.  however, kevin was taken good care of.  that's more important.

oh, the other couple from our hypnobabies class had their baby yesterday.  baby dorian is so handsome!  congrats to yadira and anthony!  i bet they are on cloud 9 about now.  we'll have to plan a reunion soon.  did i mention, i was the first one in due in our class?  now both the other couple's babies have arrived...well, life's funny like that.  you can't make too many plans. 

the exciting news of the day(so far)...we got our moby wrap and pump!  our childbirth instructor, kim brought it by this morning.  she is so awesome!  we were looking for a pump that was high quality but that could be used again...this one is completely cleanable, so it can be used for your second (or third) children.  when you are done with it then can be donated back to the company, they sterilize it and pass it on to mother's in need.  we loved that green and caring idea.  yay for hygiea!  also, this one is professional grade, is supported by le lecche league and is as good a medela and comes in a super cute bag...uber important too!   

http://www.hygeiababy.com/
http://www.mobywrap.com/

we got the moby wrap in black so kevin can use it too.  i might "need" the pink too.

chocolate brown tote with turquoise accents, bottle cooler too. pretty cool & green.

confetti-inspired

created a few years ago for the 50th venice biennial art exhibition by gerda steiner and jorg lenzlinger.  i just found this online the other day and have been swooning ever since.  man, i wish i could have been there to see this...traveling to venice wouldn't be so bad either.  the exhibit is called falling garden, naturally.  isn't it spectacular?

what if?

our last hypnobabies class a few weeks ago was particularly inspiring for me.  we talked about all of the last minute details we'll want to know prior to our baby's birthdays.  all the medical terms to be familiar with and a lot about newborn and postpartum care.  and our instructor answered a myriad of questions us first-time moms and dads had about the birth process and recovery.

i believe strongly in all of our abilities to create the experiences we want in life.  how to be prepared for lots of contrast and learn to make lemonade where lemons keep popping up left and right.  something we've become very familiar with in our home these last couple months especially.  something my very strong mother has shown me through her response to her trials.

the last message our awesome teacher kim left us with moved the whole room to tears...here's a brief snippet, i've been replaying it in my head ever since.

it's called, shifting the paradigm of "what if?!"

we need to shift the paradigm , instead of thinking "what if?!" in fearful ways before birth- "what if i need to transfer?" "what if my pain is so terrible?" "what if i lose control?" "what if there are complications?" and so on...

why not think "what if?!" in powerful ways- "what if i have the most beautiful experience of my life?" "what if i could actually feel a wet, mewing baby on my belly just after birth-and fall in love with that feeling forever?"  "what if my baby never feels anything in her first moments other than my body, and my love?" "what if my birth is the most loving, sweet and gentle memory of my life?" "what if..."

by leilah mccracken

each birth experience is so unique, why not choose to use our "what if's" to feel strong and safe in the process.  who ever said feeling good about it would be harmful?

new shoes

i am so excited to wear heels again...and with 3 upcoming weddings next month i knew these purple suede beauties oughta be perfect. 

we'll have to see how stable i am walking in them.  the heel is pretty steep.  they arrived today and the deep eggplant hue is amazing!

almost there...

we are so excited to very soon welcome our daughter to the world.  today was spent doing laundry at the laundromat (our washer was broken here at home).  the plus was that we got all three loads done at once.  it ended up being a real time saver.  after spending the rest of the afternoon putting away clothes and organizing a little i had to get out of the house and stop waiting.  so i took my last trip (for the week) to babies-r-us and target to parouse and pick up some nursing pajamas.  kevin got caught up on sports center and is now, of course, watching the first usc homegame of the season!  i'm getting ready to hit the hay.

the highlight of the day, my dear friend becky fiebach's birthday!
i hope your day was lovely becky.

and our friends from our hypnobabies birth class gave birth to their daughter alyssa ellie this afternoon.  congratulations julie and isaac!  we are so happy for you.  julie you were a rockstar; i have so much more confidence after seeing your amazing video.  
welcome sweet baby alyssa!

so. excited. about. this. app.

okay, kevin will laugh because over a year ago he had to talk me into getting the iphone.  i thought i wasn't techy enough for it and that i wouldn't use it that often.  quite the contrary really...i'm slightly addicted.  being the snail mail, letter writing kind of girl that i am,  there are some features that i've really wanted.  i saw this app on one of my favorite blogs and i can't wait to get it.  it's the perfect blend of modern and old school.  pretty text messages & calendar updates coming soon.  i'm way to excited about this...have i become a techy?  Cartolina iPhone app

well nested

i admired all of kevin's handy work while rocking in the glider this evening.  let me tell you that man has patience.  one of our walls was giving him quite the headache as he nailed up the finishing touches.  the repair from past tenant's wall hangings left the wall weak and proved difficult to hold much of an anchor for even the lightest of decor. 

armed with his level, screw driver and with an extra dose of patience...he made it happen.  we are happy with the way it turned out.  i certainly would love cozying up in there for a nights sleep.  the cool breeze from the balcony is so relaxing too.  we look forward to welcoming our sweet chloe to our nest soon.

the big 4-0h!

Ready for my appointment at 40 weeks.

today was my 40 week appointment with my midwife and all is looking good.  both baby and i are healthy, fluid levels look great, my blood pressure is normal, her heartbeat is strong and i have signs of progression.  our little lady just has to let us know when she's ready.  i admit tonight i tried to coax her a bit by reading a couple of favorite stories to her in the nursery this evening.

i feel much more relaxed about her coming now that the "due date" has nearly passed.  not sure why i felt the pressure big time.  perhaps it's the fact that she is doing a headstand on my pubic bone right now...ouch!  hopefully she'll engage completely soon.  after reading to her i continued getting caught up on my motherhood studies.  ina may gaskin's books have been great resources so far.  hopefully, some exciting baby news soon.

A gift from sweet Jeannie, with adorable illustrations.

A childhood favorite and baby shower gift from my sister Sara.

I also recommend, her Guide to Childbirth.

in the mail

i've been obsessed with this cozy little bamboo swaddle blankets by aden and anais .  one sleepless night last week, i finally ordered them.  the package just arrived!  they are even more pretty and vibrant in person. 

bun still baking...

...i think i've officially reached my frustrated waiting point.  tomorrow, i'll officially be 40 weeks.  and i feel like this sweet little bun has done enough baking.  i'm biting my tongue to not complain about being uncomfortable,  nauseous, and just plain over being pregnant.  the first 37 weeks we're great and now i've hit my breaking point.  i guess it's natures incentive to help me push through when it's my birthing time, huh?  it doesn't help that i feel like a watched pot waiting to boil.  i know everyone's excited but i feel like all eyes are on me for the first contraction.  i'm just as anxious as they are!  this is a good time for me to practice patience.  argh! 

on an exciting note, kevin completed his last chemotherapy treatment yesterday.  we celebrated with some take out from our favorite local thai place.  i am so happy for him and i can't imagine how thrilled he is to not have to be "infused" for 6 hours ever again!  now we just have follow-up to check on his bloodwork.  all blood results have been fantastic to date.  so we are feeling good about that. 

kevin will continue his disability from work while he gets back his strength, completes follow-up appointments and spends time with me and baby girl.  it'll be beyond wonderful to be home together the first couple weeks she's home.  we call that, our silver lining.  and the joy of her soon arrival... we don't even have words for.  

shopping success

today i found the steal of the century...a gorgeous silk theory dress for one of the upcoming fall events we have this year.  i bought it a few sizes too big to account for post-baby tailoring.  the best part, originally it cost $325, i got it for $15.  i'm so excited about this find. 

i'm already planning on how to accessorize.  i think it'll look great with my tan suede boots dressed down too.  i am just too excited about wearing a non-maternity outfit in the near future.

thanks mom for the birthday spending money.  i bought a gorgeous deep blueberry leather purse too.  all in all, a shopping success!

photobooth fun

Dorks at the Unique OC Design Fair a few weeks back.

http://photoboothlove.com/
is a super fun idea for birthday parties or weddings, they even bring all the props to you. 

we had fun messing around...
can you believe after being together 11 years this was our first photobooth picture session together?

baking up a storm

so, i'm guessing that nesting can involve all things domestic.  this week, i've baked 2 casseroles, corn bread muffins  and blueberry coffee cake (nowhere near as tasty as my friend gina p.'s).  i also cleaned out both the fridge and the freezer.  washed all the laundry, including towels, linens and rugs.  i caught up on email and other correspondence. 

with this sense of urgency, you'd think i was shipping off to sea or something!  it's funny what these hormones do to you.  well, now off to put together the last few details in little misses nursery.  and i wonder why i've been tired lately.  hopefully this nausea is a sign that baby is arriving soon.

kevin...

...you may not believe me but,

just thought i'd remind you, just how much that is.  it's kinda a big deal.

for you, mom

29 years ago my mom wore this same dress while she was expecting my arrival.  we thought it'd be nice to capture a few pictures of me in it before our little one arrives.  i can't help but think to myself, perhaps she can wear it too one day.  it must be the sentimental in me.

kevin took these of me on saturday, also my 29th birthday.