19 months.

Watching the Gardners - I ran for the camera.

Then she decided to hide.

A Clonado blew through.

Chloe, what color is this?  "Greeeeen."

Her favorite afternoon set-up.  Reading, snacking, Olivia.

Our photo shoots of everyday life have been less frequent.  So last week I decided we were due.  It's fun to capture what most days look like.  Just simple time playing with my lady at home.  19 months old and growing so fast! 

A lot of photos, I know.

My sentimental heart.

Reminders like this make this sentimental heart of mine skip a beat.  Kevin and I will be married five years this June (together for 12).  Our wedding captures so many beautiful memories.  I have yet to album any of our photographs or mementos.  The Mr. and I decided it was the year to do that. 

That means also completing Chloe's baby book.  The best material gift my mother every gave me, was my baby book.  Yesterday, skimming the pages as I tidied the kitchen, my heart bounced through emotions as I read her words.  In beautiful penmanship.  Always, her words, her letters, delicate art that flowed from her fingers. 

She wrote throughout her pregnancy, while in labor (HOW?!), on my birth day, and in the months to follow.  This window into the lives of my parents before I was born and details about the early days I don't remember, it's all so priceless.  It brings me so much joy.

Her passing is teaching me so many things.  Many of them ache deep in my chest.  I giggle with others and even speak aloud to her when I'm so longing to be with her.  Like today.

I am soft, sentimental and cry at the drop of a dime.  My sister and brother used to tease me about my delicate nature.  It sometimes embarrasses me, when I well up at unexpected moments (detergent commercials, anyone?).  But I'm learning to love and accept that part of me.  It's me, after all.  I gather I'd rather feel open, connected and yes, vulnerable to the outpourings that come, rather than hardened. 

And so it is.  This morning during our MOPS meeting at church.  The downpour came.  Our Mentor Moms-wise, loving women, most great grandmothers at this point, shared their life lessons, tips and tricks of parenting.  The times they were delicate caught in heavy tides.  Their message resounded to let it be; that grief ought to be shared and spilled.  Family, friends and prayer will bring you through it.  Reassurance brought comfort, yep and tears.  And I spilled the whole drive home and here now.

One lesson I'm learning...As I let go of my need to be "okay", "together" for every one else.  I find peace within myself.  My perfectionist side wrestles with this one SO much.  I learn each day how to reach out.  And find comfort, like today, even with a group of women I've just met. 

Here I am.  A girl, madly in love with my family, wading this tide the best I can.

It looks like I've got a little crafting ahead of me.  Which I love!

What matters most.

I have lots of new photos to share but since we've been so busy, I'm taking time now to focus on what matters most.  You know my little bloom and her Dada.  If you are a mama or even if you aren't, I so recommend this beautifully written essay.   I think we will all agree that everyone in our lives wants just more connection.  I love reminders of what really, I mean really matters.  And that's love. 

Today, Chloe had her first dance class.  Let's just say it was an exciting milestone moment for this mama.  The tutu's, hair buns, bows and shaking that happened, Chloe was SO into it.  So was I.  This was my major smile moment of the day.  Seriously.  

Okay and I've got a few goods reads going at night instead of blogging.  I just finished: Bloom by Kelle Hampton and I recommend it highly.  The title caught my eye while reading her blog, since I always call Chloe my little bloom.  I pre-ordered it and I'm so glad I did.  Her book is chalk full of inspiring photos every mother would love.  And her beautiful story of looking for beauty every where and for embracing love instead of fear.  This is something I always strive for and know creates a more peaceful, harmonious life.  Look for the good.  I can always use an extra reminder, can't we all?

I'm paging through a to a couple other books now, a few on grief and a book club selection that I'm just starting now (we meet tonight).  Hopefully they won't kick me out for flunking my first reading assignment.  Ha!  I felt like such a cheater but I had to finish my other book first.  I'll start the next book on the right foot (and totally uncommitted).

Random blog, I know.  That's just the way life is sometimes.

Have a good day, my nine readers.  (wink)

Don't forget to play.

My friend, Lana pinned this-and I had to remember it.

Today.

Two smile-inducing moments of the day.   The kind you want to always remember, to smile again.

Easter Sunday.

On Sunday, we went to church to celebrate all Easter signifies.  I cried as we watched the little kids sing in the choir, felt gratitude for sacrifices and deeply missed my mom.  I'm a softy like that. 

Then we strolled around town,
stopped to smell the flowers, and
were happy to see signs that businesses still believe in tradition.

We wore cute spring shoes (us girls, anyway),
saw bunny shaped trees!
dined at Whole Foods,
enjoyed basket surprises and a (last minute) egg hunt.

We (he) watched golf online,
read books,
cleaned up the after-math,
and wore matching (cheesy-some may say) dresses.  I had to do it at least once.  And nope I did not make them, although I wish I could.  Every woman at church asked me that.  One day I'll learn to sew.

The day was simple, sweet, unlike any Easter from the past.  But the three of us had one another and that was (is) enough.

And have I mentioned the way our little bloom says, bunny?  It's so darn darling!  I'll have to record it.  Bunnies might be taking over as her new favorite these days.